Chapter 6.5: Saiyaku kimochi (The worst feeling ever)

I've decided to finally update my blog since i've got my mood now, of all times to update. As i'm typing now, i'm with my usual gang, which are Hong Chun, Dan, Jiann Yet and Terry out here having our "yumcha" session at Station 1 Kuchai Lama (lolz). I'll start off with my Singapore trip on January. As soon as i've had my confirmation letter to study in Japan, I soon tried to fulfill all promises i've made with people. So far i've only failed to fulfill 1 promise, which I made with Angel a few years back. The promise was to meet each other, well, Angel is a Singaporean girl which I had met online. Returning back to the topic, it concluded that I was not able to meet her as she had a busy week and it seems I went on the wrong week. But in return, after not going to Singapore for years, I went along with Guan Shern, who never went to Singapore before. Stayed with Uncle Robin, and had the rough idea of how Singaporeans are. The interesting part of this trip was not how interesting Singapore is, but it was how Jasmine matured. Knowing Jasmine as she was young, she'll not talk to me as she doesn't speak good english, but during my stay there, she was quite talkative. She talked to me as if the barriers before never happened, which is a good thing, communicating with her is no longer a problem as i'd thought as it was before. The conclusion is that she turned out to be a fine young lady now. Also i've realized how Singapore's train system and Japan's train system are similar. They go almost everywhere in Singapore, also it shows how small Singapore is. The living standard there as well is quite equivalent as the pay there rather than the living standard here in Malaysia. Next would be that my grandma from my dad's side passed away. Normally during Chinese New Years, i'd definitely be the winner in any gambling game I played (not to brag but its the truth, even my cousins are afraid to gamble with me) but somehow this year I lost alot, and definitely its a bad sign. I felt something was wrong and my intuition was right, I got a call from Trish and Trev saying that grandma was hospitalized. The conclusion was that she did not make it and it was a shock for all of us as we did not expect Ah Ma to go off this early as amongst both our grandmas, she was the healthiest. Throughout the whole funeral, I can't seem to cry, Leonard (my cousin) on the other hand, questioned my love towards Ah Ma. He asked me a questions which was "Daryl.... You don't care about Ah Ma at all r?", at that time, he must've thought that I am the biggest jerk and the most useless grandson as I did not cry during the whole funeral session. But then I replied, "Its not that I don't care... Its just that I just can't cry even if I wanted to, also i'm sure Ah Ma would not want me to cry". I talked about this to both my dad and Aunt May, my dad said "Then he must be thinking that i'm a bigger ass than you are as I did not cry myself" whilst Aunt May said "Different people grieve differently", which I agreed on. Leonard told me that Ah Ma talked alot of good things about me in front of both he and Leon (Leonard's brother). Ah Ma left us with her belongings which were her rings, necklace and etc, which I did not really care much. What I wanted to know is what Ah Ma talked about me and I only know what Leonard told me, which was "Ah Ma said that you've matured alot" and also he told me that Ah Ma always compared them and me saying that i'm independent and etc which made me happy. Between all her grandchildrens, Leonard, Leon, and Cristabel (cousin sister) were the closest to Ah Ma. 2 weeks after her funeral, i've not went out with my friends. Reason? Simple, I wanted to spend more time with my family before I leave. 2 more weeks left, before I leave Malaysia and i'm already having confused feelings. In a way, i'm happy that i'll be pursuing what I wanted to pursue all my life, on the other hand, it is sad that i'll be leaving everyone I love here. Had been "room-hunting" online for quite sometime and I have problems of finding one, but I think I will somehow get one soon (I hope). This would most likely be my last post here in Malaysia, therefore I would want to thank a few people who've supported this "oobaka" (big idiot) in his life. Firstly, Li Yen, thank you for making me realize what i've wanted to do since I was kid. Things that I had long lost forgotten are remembered thanks to you and you really did play a big role in my life and are one of the most important people in my life, thank you. Next would be dad, I know you've been reading my blog lately and I want to thank you for supporting me for the whole time teaching me life's ups and downs, even though I DID took a wrong path before, now that you've regained back my trust, I WILL NOT FAIL your expectations and your "rules" are a really helpful guidelines in my life, which are "Do NOT join any gangsters", "Do NOT take drugs" and "Do NOT lie" (well although I still lie lolz) thank you. Next is mum, for always caring about me, cancelled her trip to Spain all because of my selfishness (I really still am feeling bad) just to study in Japan and also financing me when I needed the cash (lolz) thank you. Next would be Lionel, thank you for acknowledging me not only as a cousin, a friend and an adult. Last time you'd always asked me this question "You got your parent's permission to go out?" which somehow insulted me (lolz). Next is Trevor, thank you for teaching me what courage is, during the tournament, in our group you were the only one who volunteered to step up against that big guy. Even though you've lost, but your courage is well acknowledged by me also thank you for showing me what a useless brother I am (lolz). Next is Trisha, thank you for being there when I need someone to talk to I really appreciate having you to comfort me in times of need. But that does not make you smarter than I am (=p). Next is Dan, thank you for being one of my best friend even though you HAD been an ass (actually still is lolz) to me, you understood me best amongst the gang. Finally Rae, for posting about me in her blog! (lolz). To the rest, its not like you're not important, its just that this are the people that played a big role in my life and they're too many people to type down in this post therefore I decided on only major ones. Thanks for your support for this blog for 4 years. Till then, await Chapter 7 which will be my new life in Tokyo, Japan!

"Ima nara shindemo iinda"- Daryl a.k.a Vash, Wiegraf and Urameshi Kiddo