Chapter 6.1: Tokidoki... (Sometimes...)

At this moment as i'm typing this post, i'm kinda angry at my dad. As to the reason why? Lately i've not gone for classes almost once every week. There IS a reason behind it. Quite recent early last year, i've decided not to take anymore drugs, as in medicine drugs (panadol, cough mixture etc.) So i've been sick these past few weeks lately and now i'm feeling better as i've only got cold. So then he called me out of my room and had a talk with me, he told me "If you are not interested in continueing your course, then just stop it as we don't need to waste our money and time on it. You know that recently i've got no flights and with no flights, theres no income for me. Your mum now with her condition, she can't do her sales well. I owe Citibank RM20k and i've got problems finding ways to pay off this debt. We're very tight now". He thinks I don't know about this stuff and thinks that i'm not understanding enough. IF I don't understand, i'd be asking him for money to go out and enjoy myself. I am aware enough of this and i'm trying to lessen their burdens whenever I need money i'd use my own saving so pay for some of my daily needs especially food. RM15 a day in KL can't cover up for my breakfast AND lunch, I always try and spend less than RM15 a day during college a day but then it doesn't fill up my stomach. RM5 will be gone as it will be spent for my transport and RM10 is for both my breakfast and lunch. Even though i've to go through this everytime I go to college, i'd never ask my parents as I know their situation. And its not like I don't have any interest in studying, its just that i'm not feeling well thats why i'm not going for college as often as I could. I'm not even mad at him when he turned down my skin consultant's offer for my face treatment to make it better as I know he can't afford it. Because to me the most important thing to achieve now is my dream, not my face's problem. Bah! Enough of family problems, next is just recently i've been into this small youth group under a church called "Bread Of Life" and this youth group is called as "Real Youths". I somehow believe in Jesus and God now although i'm not religious as others are or as passionate to them as they do towards them. Finally last wednesday was Hong Chun's birthday, so Dan planned to buy a cake for him. He called me and I agreed to pay some as I wanted to chip in something for his birthday. But then later on Dan told me that Pak Sun was going and also Pak Sun's name is on the cake as his birthday is near to Hong Chun's. As to who this Pak Sun is, he is a feminine, yeap FEMININE, always acts like hes smart (when he is not) and also a party spoiler guy. Truth to be said, I HATE him, yeap I do. So then Dan told me "Don't be like that ler he is also friend" then I replied "Friend? Since WHEN I said he is my friend?". Then I said "Bah! Anything la~~". Later on, once when we went to Mid Valley to watch Death Note 2, I told Dan that i'm not gonna chip out for the cake. As I don't feel sincere, and this time i'm gonna be truthful to myself. Don't feel sincere as in i've agreed to chip in for the cake as its for Hong Chun, but not Pak Sun, and I don't like giving people presents not being sincere. I'm just hoping for now that my family's problem can be solved also to hope that they'll be earning more and be able to pay that RM20k debt. Just one more thing i've got to testify is that I am now a Christian. Aite thats about it, may everything goes to God's will, till then sayounara~!

"Ore no kakubou wa tsuyoi nandakara!" - Daryl (a.k.a) Vash, Urameshi Kiddo and Wiegraf