Chapter 5.5: Korede ii ka na...? (Is it alright as it is...?)

Recently my collegemates had been quite open-minded people, it even got to my lecturers (lolz). Well it started when we had break from our econs class, when I head over to Chucky, Dave and Lyn. So then they started a topic somehow, asking when they lose their virginity. Dave started off saying that he lost his virginity at 20 whilst Chucky at 17, and when Chucky said "Losing it at 20 is alright, but above that is not alright". I was speechless as they brought up this topic, although I wanted to walk away from it but... I was kinda stucked (lolz). So when it came to me, Dave said "I think all of us here are not virgins except for some people in our class" then I told him "Eerrr.... No, i'm a virgin". Although they say I don't look like it but then when I told them things like "Look at me, who'd want such a guy with no looks and not rich??". At that time, I wondered, is losing virginity around that age gap is practised amongst youths these days? I guess its a dumb question, maybe its because the way I think is different (lolz). Then they kept quiet (lolz). I thought that was the end of it, then a few days later, suddenly our econs lecturer started to ask everyone of us whether we're single or not. Sadly when it comes to my turn, everyone was saying "Daryl surely have one!". They went silent when I said that I don't and told them "With my looks, who wants?" they went quiet. This week is a holiday, in a way its a study week, because next week is already my finals for my semester 2. Final Fantasy series now had totally changed (=/) in a way where not much of us like the new battle system, and also the new summons. They totally changed the whole system, summons like Ifrit, Shiva, Alexander and more, are now basically just an airship's name which I think that it sucks. They should continue to use the names as their fans are already used to those basic summons and the most famous ones to remember amongst the fans. Ah well, the final fantasy series started to suck when Enix came along, Squaresoft was already doing great, why'd they want to merge with such a crappy background company such as Enix? (~.~) Now with Nobuo Uematsu (who was always in charge of the music in the throughout the Final Fantasy series, FF5~10-2 out of the Final Fantasy series) gone, their music also somehow sucked. This reminds me, these are the random questions that had been asked about me:

1. What is the dumbest thing you've ever said to your friend?
If you're a girl, i'll surely go for you (XD)

2. Have you ever had any anime/fantasy characters that you liked?
Yeah, Aeris Gainsborough (XD)

3. Are you single?
Sadly.... yeap

4. If you are single, what kind of qualities do you look for?
A person who knows how to cook, do daily house chores, nice, kind, cute and understanding
Note: To you know who you are, I DON'T LOOK AT GIRLS FOR THEIR BREASTS OR THEIR BODIES! Ahem....

5. If you're given a chance to change any part of your body, what will you change?
My face

6. What kind of music do you like?
Sentimental ones, it helps me to calm down

7. If you are to in anime that you could act in, which anime would you act in?
CHOBITS! My darling Chii~~~ (XD)

8. What are the words you find hard to express?
Sorry, Love and Hate

This questions were some random ones which I took from a questionaire book (lolz). Aite I guess this is it, till then sayounara~!

"I'm looking for that someone who will be giving me commitments, not a slut that wants me for a 1 night stand or something like that" - Daryl (a.k.a) Vash, Urameshi Kiddo and Wiegraf

Chapter 5.4: Sorega bokuda!!!! ...to omou... (Thats me!!!... I think...)

Most of the people around me especially my college mates, they like to say "Daryl, your life is so easy and you don't really have problems with your studies" or some even call me an egoist. Even though I always act tough and cold towards some people, they do not know how fragile I am. Even though I have friends and my family, I somehow still feel lonely. They do not know what i've been through. The truth is that I act tough is because I don't want others to look down on me, "have no problems in studies"...huh? Actually I HATE studying, all I ever did was just play the computer 24/7 and i'm not born smart or something like that, but I don't want to lose out thats why. Some of them even call me a rich person, which I actually am not, now even as I am typing this post down, my dad is kinda struggling. He is always at home, playing solitaire, acting as if he has no problems. But I do know the fact that he didn't seem to get any tours recently and he always is awake thinking how to earn money to support the family. Some of the money that I have is the money I had been working for and that money won't last long. I wanted to study in Japan, but my family had no financial backup for that. I'm currently continueing my studies is because of my dad... So far all i've been doing is listening and understanding my friend's life and their struggles but they don't seem to be listening and understanding mine. Most of them don't seem to see that, but some do. All I wanted is for someone to share with my dreams, sadness, happiness, everything. Unfortunately I don't seem to have this someone to share those things. I guess that is why whenever people asks me "Why do you like japanese stuffs so much?" I always give them the same answer which is "I feel more at home with them". Even the simplest thing I did for some friends, they'd never realised or even thanked me for the things that I had done for that people. Sometimes I wonder why'd I do so much for others while they don't seem to appreciate the things I do? Why'd I trouble myself so much just to satisfy them and yet not satisfying myself? Will I just die without them noticing the things I had done for them? Someone once told me, "Daryl, you're a person that is 1 in a million, you're kind, you take the trouble over others and also you're honest and loyal". She knew me well and knew the things I did as we were in the same school. In a way she is also a 1 in a million person to understand me and the things I actually did. A few years after that, we went our different paths even though we're still having each other's number, we hardly contact. I guess to find another person who understands and knows the things another did is... very hard... Life in college has been tough lately and life itself had been harsh lately too. I don't know why, even though I lost my will to go on, something is pushing me. Something tells me that something good will happen sooner or later. I guess this is it, till then, sayounara~!

"I don't believe that suiciding is the way to escape things, but I believe that by living, you could overcome all the odds, as long as you have the will" - Daryl (a.k.a) Vash, Wiegraf, Urameshi Kiddo