Chapter 3.3: My life as a song

Its been quite awhile since I last updated. Well a lot of things happened actually, Trevor was warded into the hospital twice, I broke up with Angel, celebrated my sister's birthday, can't go to Japan this year because of my family financial state, i'm going for a Japanese speech contest (school level), got addicted to Warcraft 3, spent my uncles and aunties for a dinner and lastly..... feeling lonely again. Trevor's cramp came back this year, first it happened during chinese new year while my family (except Trevor) and my cousins went out for dinner. When we came back after dinner, we found him lying down on the simen floor outside our house (malay bangalow). When I saw him lying down, it hit me again, I meant that fear.... We rushed him to the hospital and after awhile he was in there, the doctor said that he was alright but he should stay for an observation. At first he hesitated, but in the end Colin finally convinced him. After that he was fine.... well thats until 3 days after, I was figuring how to do my maths question. Then Michelle called me saying "Daryl your brother is in BK (patients room)". I rushed there to see what was wrong and the same thing happened, just that this time I was shedding my tears. He was trying to say something but couldn't..... he looked as if hes going to die, then I told him with tears "Trevor... no matter what, don't die on me" in front of Michelle (well I wonder whether she realized). Moments later the ambulance came and I followed them to the hospital where I met both my parents. We went to ask the doctor whether he is fine and he said yes, my parents were listening to the doctor about what might had cause it, while I was telling myself how stupid I was to even cry. I've never cried for anyone in my life well... except for him. The next few days he was alright from that on... till now. Back in my past I was called "Emotional Fighter". Whenever i'm in a fight, I don't know why, but unlike anyone, I cry whenever i'm in a fight. But I realized whenever I cried, I won't hold back. But that was my past though... I broke up with Angel a day before Valentine's Day (what a jerk!). I told her exactly what I thought, and I think she understood my letter.... I realized she doesn't have that one thing that I want.... I'd want the person I like to be able to live freely, not under supervision. Well what I meant is that I want my girlfriend to be free, not being hold by her parents and not to be afraid of anything. From here on, now I understand why most people have girlfriends when they're older. Hmph I don't think I can explain it well but back to what happened, I celebrated my sisters birthday along with Edmund and Xue Wen. Well it isn't a good birthday for her as she had a fight with Colin. I was telling my sis to go over to my working place for dinner, my treat, she agreed but as when I found out that Xue Wen was going as well, Xue Wen reckon us steamboat. I said anything will do, then Edmund drove my sister's kancil (a malaysian car model) to that steamboat place. Well nothing much happened except that my sis wasn't eating much because of the fight. Then after that they were back together again. I just found out that my parents are broke, now that my dad doesn't have a good pay unlike his ex-company, whilst my mum is kinda paying almost everything for the family.... thats when I decided not to go for the trip =/ but then when I read the newspaper one day I found out that they're holding a Japanese Speech Contest High School Level. And the price is.... an all expense paid 2 week study trip to Japan. That shed a little light into my life.... but theres a catch though (damn!) the speech has to be 800~1200 words in Japanese and at least 5 minutes long (i've gotta memorized at least 900 words T_T) and i've gotta go through an interview by speaking Japanese. I've asked Tamaki-sensei (one of my Japanese teachers) she told me that its better if I finish my whole course first which is next year (O.O). 2 weeks later something inside me told me to go, then I followed my instincts, i'll receive my reply tommorow from Tamaki-sensei. I've quitted RO and recently I was addicted to Warcraft 3 playing a map called dotA. Now I have a team and our goal is to try and conquer the dotA world =D. 3 days ago I decided to spend my uncles and aunties for a dinner, my treat. I would've used that money to spend on my own things but somehow I prefer spending it with my family. The dinner did not went well as it was slow and we're all kinda pissed with the restaurant. I drank wine for the first time and actually drink 1 full cup of wine ^^, the dinner came out RM250 I was somehow relieved that it wasn't RM350 ^^. Then later on my cousin brother teached me tactics of how to play dotA with 100% teamwork. Even though all of this had happened I still somehow feel very lonely indeed.... unlike me when I was in year 2002. During these times Joe Lin will call me to talk about Faith, Rachel will call me every month to know how am I those days, Christina and Amanda will sms me when she's bored and i'll be calling Faith everyday. Its not to say that its not fun chatting with my guy friends.... its just that while chatting with them (except Ong Joe Lin) they still seem to be egoistic. And mostly their topics aren't as interesting as the one that the girls always brings up (this is a fact =D). I think of myself as a gifter, I gift more and I hardly receive... I had make people happy, but i'm never am happy of myself...
Lastly, I pick this very meaningful chapter name as because as much as I enjoy music, I think of my life as a song, in order to make my "song" perfect, i've got to form a good band. I'll have to make a perfect lyric and play the right instrument. As for the band, i've got to pick the right people to be my teammate, if not my "song" will not be perfect. I see myself as a singer for the band, the leader in that band who'll be bringing the band to form a perfect "song".

"Life can be taken as a challenge and can also be taken as a result of your wrongdoings" - Daryl